A Quick Note about My Journey
I was searching for happiness for the first thirty years of my life in all the wrong places. I wanted some sense of wholeness, something to help alleviate my pain. I looked in so many directions outwardly, a new house, new car or new clothes. When I got the new item, I was happy, only to find myself with the same underlying feelings of sadness and loneliness within a couple of days. I then increased the pain by adding guilt to the equation for racking up more debt. Yet, I would repeat the same cycle again and again.
I was depressed, and I didn’t know it. Then, I had a child and gave up my job. At that time, I defined success by what I did, not who I was, so I got deeper in my pain. I had everything upside down. What is success? and Who was I? Someone’s wife? Someone’s mother? I had two more kids in less than three years. Needless to say, I did not have time to figure out the answers to those questions.
A friend invited me on a retreat when I was eight months pregnant with my third. There are no words to express my gratitude for the weekend. It was the beginning of a journey that still continues to this day. I was using the external world to find wholeness and happiness, yet true happiness starts internally.
What I found out that weekend was I am deeply loved, unconditionally loved. I didn’t comprehend that before that weekend because I didn’t love myself. I thought I was unworthy. I was focused on what I did wrong, what I should change. I became my own worst enemy. I judged myself: Why did I say that? Why didn’t I do that? I could have done better. I listened to what others said about me.
I have had many internal struggles since that weekend, but I know God, Source, Divine, loves me. LOVES ME! Divine only sees who I truly am, the spirit that he created in perfect Love. I still love external rewards but I no longer have to have them. I understand no external reward will give me lasting joy. That joy can only come from within by being in relationship with God, Source, Divine or with my divine self.
Jesus said the only way to the Father was through him. I feel what he was saying was “My life is showing you how to live your authentic self.” Whether you were born to be an artist, musician, lawyer, or politician, he was asking you to align yourself to who you truly are at any cost. Following your inner voice will help you become your authentic self.
That Self is the Self that is one with God and one with all. There is no loneliness when you start experiencing that oneness. As Jesus said, “I and my Father are one.” He experienced this Oneness that is available to all of us. When the higher Self leads, everything in life flows with ease. Life is simple, but that does not mean easy. It will be filled with JOY AND PEACE beyond anything we understand. So of course life will flow with ease and the hardships will come, but our inner Self will continue to experience the JOY.
I thank you for your time.
Theresa Contaxis 