Theresa Contaxis – First, I would like to thank you for taking the time to talk with me today.
Ponder Woman – Is that not what pondering is all about, taking time?
TC – Well, yes, it is! I wanted to spend this time with you in order to help myself and others to become better at pondering and not reacting.
PW – I would love to share some thoughts with you. To ponder, the mind has to quiet down and listen to the still, small voice within. You have to ask a question and wait to hear the answer. The answer might take time, but with practice, the response will come quicker.
TC – That’s easy for you to say. When something happens and I react, words come out of my mouth before I have a chance to catch them. You know the expression: Open mouth, insert foot!
PW – (laughs) This process takes diligence and vigilance. You have to remind yourself how much you want this. Shinichi Suzuki came up with a method to learn music. His philosophy was that music is a language. Do you learn to read before you learn to talk? No. He felt that way about music. First you learn to “talk” music. Listen, learn, and then read the music. He would say that every time you made a mistake, it needed to be corrected 100 times before a new habit is formed.
TC – Ouch! That many times. I am discouraged already. I have reacted many, many times.
PW – Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are learning. Like you say, you’re a work in progress. At this time you are working on judgment. (By the way, that is a great step in saving the world.) As you work on judgment, make sure you watch how much you judge yourself. You know the old expression: We are are own worst critics. There are things you can do to help you settle into the quiet and learn to ponder.
TC – Wonderful! Like what?
PW – Let your senses help you. What sounds calm you? What music?
TC – I love the sound of water and love Ruth Fazal’s music.
PW – Then YouTube the sound of water and play it in the background while you quiet down. Listen to Ruth Fazal. For each person, it is different. Some might love the sounds of nature, whales, chimes, or even a thunderstorm. It doesn’t matter what. Take time to figure it out.
What smells calm you? Remember, there is no right answer. I love the smells when I walk into a spa. So, I went to my favorite spa and bought the scent they use. Now I use it to help center and calm me down. Colors matter as well. What colors please you and give you a sense of peace?
TC – I like sage green and lavender.
PW – Then paint your walls in one of those colors. I would also mention that you take some time to declutter. Clutter can keep your mind busy. Keep things simple. You could also put things in your eyesight or pocket that you could look at when someone pushes your buttons. Maybe a little Buddha, Jesus, or a rock with the word peace on it. Maybe you have a book that you like to ponder over to calm you down. Words that calm you, say them. Songs that quiet you, sing them. What your voice sounds like doesn’t matter. You should hear me sing—not my forté. I realize some of these examples cannot be done in the moment of a confrontation, but even afterward, take the time to ponder. Slowly, you will have a different response. If you are in a situation where you are about to react, know it is okay to pause, take a deep breath, and ask “What should I say?” Sometimes it will work, and other times your reaction will be so fast that you don’t even think ponder first.
All these things can help you quiet your mind, and then your spirit can soar. The still, small voice will answer. Eventually, you will be able to be in a situation and tell Screaming Mimi, “First, I would like to ponder.” The quiet will come in a moment, and you will know the answer with a snap of the finger, and it will be the highest and best for all involved. Oh yes, I would like to say one last thing. Sometimes the best answer is one we cannot understand. For example, one time I was with someone who was in a total panic, and I could not get the person to calm down. I slapped the person, and, bingo! They calmed down and were able to face the trauma in front of them. There was no anger in my slap, just a knowing that is what the person needed at that moment. (But I don’t recommend violence in most situations.)
TC – Thank you so much for spending time with me. Anything else you would like to say?
PW – Remember, always be gentle with yourself. Thank you for allowing me to share with you.
Theresa Contaxis 