In James Hollis’ book, Living an Examined Life: Wisdom for the second half of the journey, he states this about the dark night of the soul:
There is no going forward without a death of some kind: a kind death of who we thought we were and were supposed to be; a death of a map of the world we thought worthy of our trust and investment; a death of expectations that by choosing rightly we could avoid suffering, experience the love and approval of those around us, and achieve a sense of peace, satisfaction, arrival home. But life has other plans it seems; indeed, our own souls have other plans.
This wonderful—but difficult—time in our lives is when our still small voice within starts getting our attention and we start awakening. It is difficult because there is a death; the death of Screaming Mimi, and for many it can be a long and torturing death. We can become confused because things we liked don’t seem right anymore. That voice is telling us: There is a better way. How long is this death? It depends on each individual. If we allow the process and listen, it goes faster. If you are like me, you fight it as hard as you can. Screaming Mimi would say, “Hell no, I won’t go. I am real, I am the only thing that matters!”
As you quiet that voice down and listen to the still, quiet voice, things begin to change. Life begins to feel deeply meaningful, more expansive because you are becoming who you truly are—Love in form.
We become more authentic. We stop using the world as our stage. We stop acting differently in the presence of different people. In front of some, you act one way and in front of someone else a different way. We do this to get what we want out of someone else. As we let go of the roles we have played, we become more and more authentic. As the ego subsides, life just gets better. We are no longer controlled by Mimi, who (as I have said) only causes misery. The process teaches us that life is not made to live outside-in but inside-out. We learn that true life is not led by our egos, living for the world we see, but we learn true life is led by our heart, that part of us that IS one with God.
For a long time, I wondered what the difference was between the dark night of the soul and the dark night of the spirit. I have finally come to a conclusion; the dark night of the spirit takes you even deeper. It is when we really dive in and realize we no longer live for us but with and for Source, Divine, Love. The mystery that is All in All. We can now say, “Not my will but Yours be done”. You become so much more part of the All, there is no separation. Mother Teresa, towards the end of her life, could no longer sense God. Her diary had many entries of how she even wondered if God was there. Yet, she kept persevering and did what she believed with her whole being that she was called to do.
Mother Teresa
So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them–because of the blasphemy–If there be God –please forgive me–When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven–there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul.–I am told God loves me–and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the Call of the Sacred Heart?
I think Mother Teresa had become so connected to Source that she no longer could feel herself separate any longer. Jesus realized he was one with God, one with God’s consciousness. I believe the difference was she did not realize how connected she was to God. You cannot feel God as separate after the dark night of the spirit because there is no longer any separation. No longer is it you and God but just God. Your thoughts are one, totally aligned. There still are trials and hardships, but what you want is God’s will. That desire is so strong, putting Screaming Mimi to bed becomes easier.
There are so many writings out there if you choose to dive in deeper. Enjoy your week!
Theresa Contaxis 