Years ago while I was meditating, I asked myself the question, “What is the next thing I have to work on?” I had lots of ideas of what was going to come up from the still small voice but never expected what did come up. I heard, “You should learn to ponder and not react.” Well, that was a shock! Of course, Screaming Mimi yelled, “That is not what I want to work on!” However, I knew in my heart I had received the truth.
When I was little and my parents gave one of my other siblings something, I'd scream “That’s not fair! What about me?” My parents would then give in and give me something as well. This only led to someone else screaming the same thing, “That’s not fair! What about me?” The pie, according to the ego, will never be cut fairly. That is not true when you learn to operate from that part of you that is one with God/Source/Divine.
Someone said to me, "Be careful what you pray for; it just might happen." Well, I found out how true that statement is on my 60th birthday. As I was going to bed the night before my birthday, I said a quick prayer: Show me my ego. I woke up the next day, and from the minute I woke up I got to hear Screaming Mimi. As I mentioned in Sunday's post about the second beatitude, Screaming Mimi is what I named my ego.
I have been told by many of my teachers, "Attention brings awareness to the moment." That is exactly what happened to me. Sitting in quiet, my attention became totally about the bug bite, yet playing pickle ball I did not even know I had a bite till the game was over because my attention was on the game.
I was searching for happiness for the first thirty years of my life in all the wrong places. I wanted some sense of wholeness, something to help alleviate my pain. I looked in so many directions outwardly, a new house, new car or new clothes. When I got the new item, I was happy, only to find myself with the same underlying feelings of sadness and loneliness within a couple of days. I then increased the pain by adding guilt to the equation for racking up more debt. Yet, I would repeat the same cycle again and again.
Theresa Contaxis 